When we knew something bad was coming, Ty asked if I would still consider it our anniversary, even if we weren't on the best of terms. I said I would, and he did too. It is definitely not an anniversary, we are not speaking, we both feel like we have ruined the other's life for the time being. It's beyond sad for me. It's depressing. I haven't felt this low for a while... just feeling hopeless in general. The want for happiness is gone in moments like these. I just wallow in the sadness, unable to do anything else: sleep, eat, think, talk, cry... I just feel so isolated, alone, and removed.
The thing that made me happy today:
I went to lunch with Michael, because he kindly asked me to be his valentine! When we sat down, he told me I was beautiful. It really meant something.
When you're a pretty girl, and have above average looks, you get told how pretty you are on a semi-regular basis. It becomes a designated trait as opposed to a given compliment, so often I just say thanks or smile and nod, with no attached emotion. This time he paused and looked at me for a second, then told me I was so beautiful and not to forget it. It rarely is so meaningful, so I looked away, blushed, and mumbled thank you. I'm so bad at receiving compliments, especially when they are really flattering like today. It made me pretty happy and brightened the rest of the day...until now.
Off to play Sudoku until the sun rises.
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